Most people, the minute they meet you, were sizing you up for some competition for resources. It was as if everyone lived in fear of a shipwreck, where only so many people would fit on the lifeboat, and they were constantly trying to stake out their property and identify dispensable people – people they could get rid of…. Everyone is trying to reassure themselves: I’m not going to get kicked off the boat, they are. They’re always separating people into two groups, allies and dispensable people… The number of people who want to understand what you’re like instead of trying to figure out whether you get to stay on the boat – it’s really limited.
Elif Batuman, The Idiot
It is of utmost importance to understand this: Only you and yourself can achieve happiness. You do not need validation from others. Some of our life experiences are not what we would like to be like: sometimes harder than one can imagine, ranging from sexual abuse all the way to plain malevolence, ones own experience can not be fathomed by anyone other than the own person.
Here where it comes the important part: Only you can save yourself. Do not depend from anyone approval, understanding, or validation. Truth to be told, only you can save yourself.
Ask yourself what is that you are trying to achieve. I am far from saying to bury your experiences: A qualified professional can direct you in the right state fo mind. But ultimately it will be an understanding that no one other than yourself can secure your own freedom.
When I say “freedom”, I mean inner peace, a steady mind, ability to live mindfulness, that is, to be able to stay present with gratitude and a feeling of well being. The constant search for validation (https://mountainsadventure.org/2021/07/10/the-pursuit-of-validation/) from others can greatly impair your ability to recover, and sip your energy, as you will always be dependent from a third party to feel good.
Here comes what might be an unpopular understanding of one of the most used scripture of the bible:
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:6
In the scripture above, Jesus refers to himself as “me”. He did not say come to God (His Father) through Jesus. He said through “me”, “I am”. My understanding, and to be honest, I never seen this anywhere, is that when he said “I am”, “me”, he refers to the inner self. So to reach truth, life, and god, one must go through his inner self, look inside. Lastly, my understanding of God certainly includes inner peace. So on that point, in order to arrive, the only way is through the inner self, I am, me.
To not lose the point on bible discussions(which are valid and welcomed), the main point above is the importance to step up and take responsibility to achieve inner peace, not by external factors, but by accepting things the way they are and resting in peace with your own self.
Next to do: I refuse to be a victim. (This will require another blog post by itself)
Note: I have no, none, zero, nada, mental professional expertise, so take everything I say with a gallon of salt. I do however, have my own experiences and what I learned from it, which I share above. A mental health professional is the best way for those who need help beyond a blog article.